Conversations with my Vagus Nerve

So. For the last week, I have been sick. It started Monday really, though I wasn't that bad until Tuesday or Wednesday.  I was utterly miserable there for a few days. And then it was just the coughing.  Constantly.. Endlessly. Repeatedly coughing. So much it made me gag, and grow dizzy.

I have done my usual research to avoid going to the doctor, because if I can fix this myself it makes me better than the doctors, and I have decided that I do not have whooping cough, or bronchitis, or pneumonia. I have a cough. Which is triggered by a stimulated vagus nerve. I have tried -everything- to get this cough under control. I thought it was being caused by congestion .. but I am not coughing up anything, and I can .. when the tickle in the back of my throat doesn't cause another coughing fit .. take deep breaths unhindered as far as I can tell. I don't -feel- congested. So it can't be congestion.

The only symptom is the nigh-constant tickle at the back of my throat. And I do mean constant. It feels like I have hairs growing in my throat.  Yes, a very gross mental image, but that's what it feels like. No amount of coughing, gargling, clearing my throat or hacking so violently it makes my arms tingle has ejected the phantom hairs, so I can only conclude they are not really there.

My husband has threatened with the Husbandly Glare of Doom that if I'm not 'better' by tonight, I must hie myself to the doctor; that is to say to the Urgent Care facility.  A trip which we cannot afford, and I really do not wish to take. It took three days of serious agony when my Eustachian tubes were locked closed for me to go about a year and a half ago. We're talking agony. While the frequent barking sound in the house is annoying as anything .. and the feeling of hair growing in my throat is not the most pleasant thing either .. I'm fairly certain I'm neither turning into a dog nor growing hair in my throat. My chin, sure. But not inside my throat.

So. Vagus nerve. Enough already, okay? You've had your fun. I'm sure the constant sneezing is what sent you into this tizzy, but you do not need to repay the favor this way. You don't need to repay the favor at all, really.  I'm sorry I irritated you. Can we be friends again? I would like to sleep, and to not be forced into a visit to the Doc-in-a-Box.

PS: I'm out of underwear to wear thanks to the the coughing. It sucks getting old. How about you do my laundry for me, so I can rest?

Bleargh

Well, so much for sleeping. If I actually did sleep, it wasn't much, and it was in short spurts. And this is the second night in a row, maybe third, that I've woken up around 3am and just have been unable to get back to sleep. Part of it, I think, is that it's just hot out, so it's hot in the house. And with the ceiling fan upstairs not working .. well .. that makes it worse. If this keeps up though, I'm going to have to resort to extreme measures .. aka sleeping pills or something.